Approaching Abnormal
by HurricaneGinger
Summary: Underneath the Gallows lay over a dozen Templars and their leader Ser Alrik, dead by the hands of Hawke and her companions. Between the bodies of glistening armor lay a young mage, dead by Anders' hand. Lady Hawke thinks through a few things. One shot.


_**MAJOR SPOILERS TO THOSE WHO HAVE NOT PLAYED OR BEATEN DA2.**_

Participating on the Anders Thread on BioWare Social Network has given me plot bunnies...and they won't stop breeding! So, here is my first one-shot! Please pardon my writing, I have not written anything in a long time.

The following is Hawke's thoughts after Dissent if Anders totally lost it and killed Ella. Personally, this never occurred in my play-through; there is already too much for Anders to deal with.

The title of the one-shot was inspired by Blue October's newest album title "Approaching Normal." Listen to "Weight of the World" from that album while reading this. Note: There are swear words in that song, so it is not for the faint of heart. ;)

Enjoy, and leave (friendly, constructive) criticism and comments.

I don't own DA2 or Anders, and I am not making any money with this work of fiction.

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><p><strong><span>Approaching Abnormal<span>**

Varric and Aveline followed Hawke, like always, except minus one companion. The void was noticeable, if ignored, and Hawke's friends said nothing alluding to what occurred only moments ago. It was still a shock, even to Aveline who had her way of shrugging things off. None of them knew what to think, or how to prevent the possible nightmares to come that night. Anders said from the start that he was dangerous, and although his companions believed they took his warning to heart, it will only be Fenris who will shrug and say: "What else did you expect?"

Hawke expected otherwise. She hoped (_Naively_, she admitted) her soothing words would calm Anders…or Justice – no, Vengeance – enough to make him see reason. Perhaps Anders could have broken through the spirit's hold and got out before it was too late. Hawke had to blame herself for her inaction, and she blamed the spirit-almost-demon for not listening. But she should have known better; her father always told her that demons do not listen to reason. _Poor Anders…_she thought. _What Vengeance has done will be on __**his**__ hands._

Should Anders share the blame, however? The mage will insist that he should, but Hawke still battled with herself on this matter. She knew better than to ask her companions, because most would agree that he should no longer be a part of their little group. Anders already isolated himself, and it took Varric weeks to draw him out to "give Justice time to smell the flowers." Hawke was sure that she was his only friend right now…which meant stepping down was not an option.

She looked up at the red doors of Anders' Clinic, and sighed. What would she say to him? "It's not your fault"? "Why didn't you listen"? "Why didn't you try"? No. She should not go in accusing. She should try to understand…and that is all she has been trying to do – _wanting_ to do. Understand.

But he always pushed her away.

"Hawke…" Varric began, hesitating.

"Why don't you two get out of here and go to the Hanged Man?" Hawke said. "I'm sure we've all had enough of dark, decrepit places for the day." Reaching into her coin purse, Hawke pulled out some gold and handed them to Varric. "Buy a round on me. I owe you, anyway."

Varric cocked a brow at his friend. "Are you paying me to shut-up, Hawke?" he said, pocketing the gold.

Hawke smiled, "For however long those coins bought me, dwarf."

"Hawke, are you…sure you don't want me to come with you?" Aveline said.

"Aveline, I'll be fine. Anders does not need a crowd of people judging him after…" Hawke cleared her throat. "I'll be fine."

"Well…alright," the warrior relented. "But if he lays a hand on you, I'll beat him into a pulp."

Hawke rolled her blue eyes. "You'll be the first person I call, Aveline. Now _shoo._"

Aveline glanced at the doors once before following Varric out of Darktown, worrying over what her friend is getting herself into.

With one last breath, Hawke walked into the clinic. Anders was in the back, hunched over a box of supplies while his patents remained at one side of the clinic, unaware of what had transpired. Hawke sometimes wondered what their ignorance would feel like; what if she was normal. Never a mage, and never in Ferelden…but born in Kirkwall with her siblings as nobles like their mother. Would Aveline have made it out of Ferelden alive, or even have come to Kirkwall? Would Hawke have ever met Varric in Hightown when he was arranging the Deep Roads expedition with Bartrand? What about Fenris, or Isabela? Would Merrill have died alone, succumbed to her Blood Magic? And Anders…maybe he would not have any humanity left without her support.

Hawke felt her throat constrict, and pushed the thought away. If ever she was "normal" and she got a taste of this life, she would trade it all away in a _second._ If anything, just to meet the people who have changed her life for good or ill. It remains to be seen. But Anders…Hawke felt her life changing, and wrapping itself around him tighter than a demon's hold. Whether Anders liked it or not, Hawke was a part of his life. She was in too deep by coming to him now with no protection from her friends. Did she really want to risk everything for this one man who willingly allowed a spirit to possess him – a process which may never be reversed – for an improbable cause?

She really didn't want a normal life, anyways.


End file.
